Well, take a look at the alternative offered by our society:
In the world of secular dating, it’s awkward and inappropriate to bring up serious topics the first time you meet. In fact it may be after six months into a relationship when you can start to even mention marriage, building a family or the future. By then you are emotionally involved. If his priorities don't match hers, but they are in love, they are in hot water. There can be many issues, and she will then be faced with an excruciating choice: give up her dreams, or the man she loves. And she may choose love, which can sometimes have tragic results. In addition, he knows nothing about her and her background. For all he knows, she is a felon- which may also lead to problems later on. The traditional Jewish dating system is designed to avoid these issues. Before you even meet a prospective spouse, you find out information about them. What are their values and beliefs? What do they want to do with their life? And most importantly, you only date for keeps. There is either a marriage at the end- or a part of ways. No casual relationships. If all the information made before dating sounds good and both parties are interested, then the actual meeting is to see if you connect, if you can communicate, if you grow on each other. The vital questions have already been answered. You know you match on paper, so let's see if you match in real life. That doesn't take too long to tell. In secular dating the heart leads, and that can be very painful. In Shidduch dating the heart follows the mind. First it has to make sense, then it has to feel right. When feelings are involved, our emotions cloud our judgment, and can make us overlook problems. That is great in marriage, but a disaster in dating. ‘Shidduch’ dating is not fool proof. But when followed, it can save a lot of time and a lot of heartache. Love can blind, you need to enter a relationship with eyes wide open. Menachem Mendel Bluming, Rabbi Moss and Chabad.org
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AuthorRabbi Mendel Bluming also dedicated six years to serving on the board of directors of the Jewish Federation of Greater Washington, where he received the Matthew H. Simon Rabbinical Award for exceptional communal leadership. Archives
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