Well, take a look at the alternative offered by our society:
In the world of secular dating, it’s awkward and inappropriate to bring up serious topics the first time you meet. In fact it may be after six months into a relationship when you can start to even mention marriage, building a family or the future. By then you are emotionally involved. If his priorities don't match hers, but they are in love, they are in hot water. There can be many issues, and she will then be faced with an excruciating choice: give up her dreams, or the man she loves. And she may choose love, which can sometimes have tragic results. In addition, he knows nothing about her and her background. For all he knows, she is a felon- which may also lead to problems later on. The traditional Jewish dating system is designed to avoid these issues. Before you even meet a prospective spouse, you find out information about them. What are their values and beliefs? What do they want to do with their life? And most importantly, you only date for keeps. There is either a marriage at the end- or a part of ways. No casual relationships. If all the information made before dating sounds good and both parties are interested, then the actual meeting is to see if you connect, if you can communicate, if you grow on each other. The vital questions have already been answered. You know you match on paper, so let's see if you match in real life. That doesn't take too long to tell. In secular dating the heart leads, and that can be very painful. In Shidduch dating the heart follows the mind. First it has to make sense, then it has to feel right. When feelings are involved, our emotions cloud our judgment, and can make us overlook problems. That is great in marriage, but a disaster in dating. ‘Shidduch’ dating is not fool proof. But when followed, it can save a lot of time and a lot of heartache. Love can blind, you need to enter a relationship with eyes wide open. Menachem Mendel Bluming, Rabbi Moss and Chabad.org
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It’s a feeling we all know: That initial flutter of concern, the wave of hope, the quick scramble to double, triple check, and rising heart rate which becomes a full blown panic as we realize it's over, sent, no way out.
Yep, I'm talking about the universal and undeniable panic that settles in upon realizing you've sent a text, email, or voice message to the wrong person. Everyone’s done it- And again it happened to me this week on whats app… So first I panicked. Panicked hard. But then it came to me that Whatsapp has a very new and very useful feature you can use to un-send messages within 7 minutes of sending them. The person had not yet read my message, so quickly I deleted it, and the only remaining evidence was the "this message has been deleted" that Whatsapp swaps the erased message with. Disaster averted. Whew. Wipe brow; resume life. But how about if we could mimic Whatsapp's un-send feature in real life? Let’s say we could un-send the harsh words we spoke, undo our poor decisions, and take away actions we regret. What would our life look like if we had an opportunity—even just seven minutes—to re-evaluate our actions before it hits the other person? Would we change anything? The truth is, we do have that feature! The Talmud in Yoma 86b says that we have the ability to take our sins and transform them into mitzvot. It takes time and effort, but if you do it correctly, you can literally undo all your past misdeeds, erasing any indications of them from your soul. It requires deep soul searching, a sincere ‘sorry’ and regret, forgiveness from those you've hurt, honest repentance, and a determination to behave differently with the same situation again. But it can be done! So who's in? I know I am! Menachem Mendel Bluming, Rabbi Vigler and Chabad.org Here’s a thought:
Imagine there was a blood test that could determine who your soulmate is. You and your prospective partner would go to a laboratory and give blood samples, and half an hour later they would tell you whether you will live happily ever after, or if you should let this one go. Sounds wonderful? But think about it. Is that an ideal way to begin a relationship? It certainly would save a lot of time. But where’s the romance in hearing; "Listen, the blood test came out positive, so I guess we may as well get engaged." In reality we wouldn't appreciate a laboratory-tested soulmate. What makes a meaningful relationship is that it is a choice coming from within. If we based a marriage on external evidence such as a blood test, we would indeed have certainty, but the sense of freedom would be lost. Choice is an essential ingredient of true love. Certainty is not. That is the reason why proving G-d is not useful. G-d wants us to enter into a relationship with Him by choice, not by force. He specifically created us as free beings who can deny Him if we want. He created a world in which His existence can be debated. No outside force or argument or proof that compels us to serve G-d. Because of that, when we do serve Him, it is by our choice, it is coming from us, and that is the basis for a real relationship. Going back to your question, there are indeed many logical proofs of G-d's existence and the truth of Torah. But most people can only appreciate these proofs after they have already established a relationship with G-d, just as most people only identify their soulmate after they have already committed to the relationship. If you wait to know for sure that you have found your perfect match you may forever remain single. And if you wait for proof of G-d's reality you may forever live in a lonesome universe. Embrace uncertainty and open your heart up to a relationship based on choice. Just like you can find love, you can find G-d. Menachem M. Bluming and Rabbi Moss and Chabad.org It’s a concept beyond the human brain to grasp, however, there was no before… Time itself was created!
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AuthorRabbi Mendel Bluming also dedicated six years to serving on the board of directors of the Jewish Federation of Greater Washington, where he received the Matthew H. Simon Rabbinical Award for exceptional communal leadership. Archives
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