Here’s an idea:
Ask him for help. When you call him, put aside the illness as if it doesn’t exist for a moment, and ask him for some advice. Think of his area of expertise and ability and tell him you need his assistance. He is a chef and you are having trouble with a recipe. Ask for his help. This will hold more weight than just telling him "you matter and you are needed", it will be actually making him needed. Now clearly we are dealing here with some serious health issues. They will not disappear with one little conversation. It’s possible it won’t work at all. He may not even be interested to being asked, or incapable of responding. But if you have even the slightest hope of getting through to him, it is worth a try. It might give him a moment of not being entrapped in his own issues. If he can focus on someone else for even a short time, that may serve as a little breath of air, and he may be lifted, if simply momentarily, above his darkness. Sometimes the trap of depression or sickness is the self-absorption it brings. The best remedy for that is serving others. Grant him a chance to do that. If nothing else, you will have expressed to him that whatever he is living through, he can still contribute to the world, and you care about him enough to ask. That could be just what he needs to hear. May he/she have good news! Rabbi Mendel Bluming, Maryland and Rabbi Moss, Australia
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"The beard has to go!"
This was the command given to an Israeli soldier by his commanding officer during the Yom Kippur War. There was a serious panic that the Egyptians were poised to mount a chemical attack against Israel. Long beard hair would obstruct the gas mask that the soldiers would need to wear. A religious Jew, he understood that in a case of mortal danger one would be allowed to shave off the beard. The commandment to grow a beard is outweighed by the commandment to preserve life. But the question was, is this in reality a situation of mortal danger? And if so, is shaving 100% necessary? The soldier was given permission to seek rabbinical guidance. So he asked these questions to the Rebbe. In his short but brilliant response, the Rebbe wrote four points: 1. It is obvious that there will be no chemical attack 2. Even if there was one, it is very easy to wear a gas mask over a beard. You should show this to your commander. 3. If these arguments are not enough then you can agree to carry around with you a pair of scissors, so if the need arises you can quickly cut off your beard, which will take no more than one minute. 4. During World War I, poison gas was widely used and all armies including the British put on gas masks. Yet the Indian Sikhs, who fought in the British Army, were given permission to keep their beards and distinguished themselves in battle. I believe these four points are encompassing of the Rebbe's uniqueness. Each one expresses a different element of his majestic character and gives us a glimpse of his muitilayered personality. Only the Rebbe could say in complete confidence "there will be no chemical attack." To be able to take responsibility for the safety of thousands of people on your shoulders, you had better know what you're talking about. And the Rebbe did. History showed the accuracy of the Rebbe's prophetic vision again and again. There were indeed no chemical bombs. The Rebbe deeply believed that living a life supported by the Torah and its commandments need not be opposed to living a life in the here-and-now of the modern world. An observant Jew can provide input to society without compromising on their Judaism one little bit. You can keep your beard and wear a gas mask too. While the Rebbe was a heavenly man, he was also extremely down to earth. He was at once a person of unquestioning faith and a man of hard logic. "Carry a pair of scissors." Who can respond to that? Some questions are not questions at all if you think a bit out of the box. And then, he brings in the case of Indian Sikhs fighting for the British in World War I to prove that a Jew can keep his beard. This is a perfect example of the Rebbe's acute awareness of the world outside of his milieu, and his ability to absorb from everyone and everything. The Rebbe; a man with higher vision, uncompromising values, clear logic and worldly wisdom - that, and so much more. Rabbi Moss and Rabbi Menachem Mendel Bluming Rabbi Mendel Bluming is the leader of the community through the Chabad Shul of Potomac and is often challenged with this question.
So I present you with a thought based on Jewish philosophy: Good is truly good because G-d chose it to be. G-d is not held down by anything, and could have chosen otherwise. He could have decided "Thou shalt steal," and "Do not help the poor and needy." Aiding old ladies across the street would be the wrong thing to do, but robbing them would be honorable. Now you may argue, any person with a healthy conscience knows that stealing is morally unacceptable and helping the needy is a righteous and upright action. But our conscience is also formed by G-d. If morality would be reversed, we would be wired accordingly. Luckily for all those old ladies crossing the street everywhere, G-d chose the other way around. Does this mean good isn't honestly good? Is morality nothing more than a whimsical fancy? Not in the slightest. Only humans are whimsical and random. G-d is absolute. Good is absolutely good not because of how good feels to me but because the Absolute One made it so. Morality is clarified by the infinite scale of G-d, not the finite nature of human feelings. The real question is this: without G-d, how can anything be good or evil? Who makes this choice? That's a really good question Rabbi Mendel Bluming and Rabbi Moss There is a well-known theory that we can find all we need to know about a person in the first few seconds of meeting them. It sounds like a great theory. There is only one problem with it. It is nonsense :)
A human is more than meets the eye. We are multi-layered. We have thoughts and ideas, memories and dreams, habits and foibles. Everyone has a story and a soul inside. You can't see all this at first glance. How often has it been that you have you been impressed by someone's first impression, only to be disappointed after a few conversations? And the opposite is true as well; how many people have you met and not particularly appreciated, only to be nicely surprised after getting to know them better? Even looks can be deceiving. A person who you find unattractive in the beginning can grow on you as their full picture unravels. I think we would be in agreement when saying that no one can know what you are all about by meeting you once. The same applies for others. Don't always trust your instincts. They can easily drag you astray. Menachem Mendel Bluming and Rabbi Moss |
AuthorRabbi Mendel Bluming also dedicated six years to serving on the board of directors of the Jewish Federation of Greater Washington, where he received the Matthew H. Simon Rabbinical Award for exceptional communal leadership. Archives
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